resolution, goals & intentions: making changes that stick

Every year at this time—the last day of the year—people everywhere are talking about new goals, resolutions for the upcoming year and focusing on setting intentions for the future.

And each year, about a month from now, there will be talk of broken promises, failed commitments, disappointments and cynicism toward setting goals. Why? Because we all have big dreams and the pressure to create a goal or make life changes on January 1st is pretty big. It’s all around us.

Gyms are notorious for exhibiting this phenomenon in a tangible way. All you have to do is visit a gym on January 2nd, and then again on March 1st. I want to help you avoid this.

Days are (finally) getting longer (at least in the northern hemisphere), and the energy for making change is high. There’s excitement in the air for a clean slate and a chance to start over and frankly, it’s infectious. 2010, for whatever reason, was challenging for many of us. And 2011 is looking particularly appealing.

But with high excitement comes the risk of deep disappointment. So how do you avoid the disappointment and keep moving toward your goals throughout the year?

understanding change

Regardless of whether you’ve made a resolution that you hope to accomplish by the end of the year, a goal you plan on accomplishing on a particular date, or an intention that begins on the first and carries through each day throughout the year, you’re making a change.

There are two types of significant change:

• 1. Those thrust upon you (i.e., illness, natural disaster, divorce).
• 2. Those you choose (i.e., new job, marriage, moving to a new state).

Life changes every single moment. And we often get so caught up in our day-to-day lives that we don’t notice the small, almost imperceptible changes that are happening around us. And suddenly—KA-BLOOM—we look up and there’s a significant change standing right in front of us. And we’re not ready for it. In fact, we often find ourselves resisting and fighting the changes.

The changes we choose can often be equally challenging, but for very different reasons. Somehow, in our minds we think because we’ve chosen it, it must be easy. And we often don’t get the support we need when we make the “good” changes.

I remember one month in particular I’d accepted a job with a new company and moved to a new town. I felt incredibly confused as to why I was stressed and unhappy. A friend of mine told me I’d “chosen it, so deal with it.” Hrumph.

Change is hard no matter from which direction it comes. But there are ways to make it a little easier. In a nutshell? I’ll offer up two words: Consciousness and Awareness.

As there are two types of changes, there are two approaches towards change:

• 1. Consciousness & awareness. This approach reflects how you live life: with full awareness of how your actions today effect your experiences in the future.
• 2. Catch-up change. This approach finds you trying to catch up to life. The changes keep happening to you.

beginning on the inside

Which approach do you suppose creates an overall happier, more satisfying life? I don’t know about you, but I’m opting for door number one.

Change comes from within and begins before you actually see results.

As you begin to change, you will naturally go through different stages of success. Some days you’ll be wildly successful and will make significant progress toward your goals. Other days will leave you feeling like you’ve slid back a couple of years. Don’t despair. It’s natural—and the most important thing to remember is not every day will look like progress. And some days will set you back.

But if you can keep the big picture in mind as you push forward each day, you’ll begin to notice that wow, you are making changes and that goal? That resolution? It’ll come. You’ll see it. It’ll become a habit. A part of your life. And boy, that feels good, doesn’t it?

Here are some reminders to help you through the cycles of change:

Awareness. Deliberately creating your goal with consciousness is a huge step in the right direction. Tell yourself out loud, “I am going to do ______.” Feel it in your heart.

Patience and compassion. This one’s really important. Have patience. It’s not going to happen overnight (and if it does, you’re not challenging yourself). Show compassion. To yourself especially. We all have bad days. Accept them, learn from them, let go and move forward.

Evaluation. A few weeks after you begin, take a moment and evaluate. Is it easier than you expected? Much more challenging? What do you need to adjust? Refine and implement. Do this every month. Know where you’ve been. Know where you’re going. This is awareness.

Hold the vision. Don’t lose sight of the big picture. Why is this goal important to you? How will your life change for the better once you’ve achieved it? Keeping these in mind will help you through the resistance and trudging moments.

Don’t give up. Well duh. Do I need to elaborate? Keep moving. Keep plodding. And keep evaluating. Keep refining and adjusting. What made sense in January might not in August.

Patience and compassion. I said this was an important step, remember. I’m serious. These two components are key to your success. It’ll help you keep moving. It’ll help you stay the course and feel good about yourself when you hit those days sliding backwards.

I’ll touch on my 2011 goals next month. In the meantime, what are yours? How do you keep from giving up by the middle of the year?

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