Is Your Tribe Right For You?

I’ve talked before about building a tribe as you begin a new, healthier lifestyle. Change (dare I say it?) changes you. And we have to remember that when we make changes, it doesn’t just affect us. It affects those around us as well—sometimes just as much or maybe even more.

I find this is especially true of getting healthy. Everyone wants to live a healthier life. We all want to feel more energetic, happier, more alive... all the characteristics that we hear come from regular exercise and a healthier diet.

But not everyone is ready to make that change. And if you’re one of the first in a group of friends that stops merely talking about “when I start exercising” and actually goes out and exercises, it can create a pretty big shift in the dynamics of the group.

We’d like to think that our friends will support and encourage us. Maybe even get motivated and inspired to join us. And if that’s the case, be sure to celebrate and appreciate that support. More often than not, however, I hear about feelings of disconnection. An inability to relate to the negativity around feeling out of shape. Sometimes there’s jealously involved and uncomfortable comments. “Oh, just have that slice of pizza. It’s not going to kill you.”

Maybe it’s your family that’s struggling with the new dinner menu when all they want are take-out burgers and not the veggie-heavy stir-fry in front of them.

trust yourself

You know deep in your gut that making these healthy changes in your life is important. You feel at your core and are proud of yourself for finally taking that brave step forward.

It’s hard enough developing the habits that will get you out the door and to the gym (or on the trail) without the added stress of feeling as though you have to defend yourself and these new choices to others.

Take a look around you. Does any of this sound familiar? If so, take heart... there are many, many ways to create a tribe of amazing, supportive and encouraging people.

The Internet. Twitter, facebook, dailymile, blogs. Reaching out online has been a key part of finding a support network of like-minded folks for many people just like you. Whether you’re running, biking, getting into CrossFit or starting a weight training regime at your local gym, there are others out there who are going through the same thing, or have gone through it and are anxious to help others just getting started.

Local groups or classes. Signing up for some extra classes or joining a fitness or running-type club will introduce you to others in your area that have begun a similar journey as you.

Your current friends/colleagues. Yep. Even the ones that are jealous. I don’t believe others are usually intentionally mean or insensitive. And there are those that may simply need an invite to join you. You may even be surprised at who takes you up on the offer to join... a new acquaintance or a co-worker you’ve known for years.

A workshop. Ahem. There are some of us out here that are putting together a tele-class just for you. Stay tuned for updates (and sign up for the newsletter), but I’m in the process of developing a course to help all you beginners out there get—and stay—going.

who do you want in your tribe?

Now that you’re out there looking for tribesmen, what characteristics do you look for? How do you tell if they’re a good fit?

Here are a list of questions to ask yourself:

• Do I get a good vibe from them?
• Am I comfortable talking with them?
• Are they nice to others to their face and to others?
• Do they have a positive outlook?
• Is it easy to laugh with them?
• Do they encourage me and support me?
• Are they available (i.e., do they have time to nurture a new relationship)?
• Do I feel inspired and energized when I'm with them?
• Do they listen to me?
• Are they patient with me and my pace of progress?
• Do I get excited to see them?
• Do they respect my fears and what I find challenging?
• Do they push me past my boundaries but not my level of comfort?

Don’t forget to take a look in the mirror and make sure you’d want to be a member of your own tribe. Are you positive and encouraging? Do you genuinely want to see them succeed (even if they do so faster than you?)? Are you available to nurture a new relationship?

Remember also that building relationships takes time and energy, but when it’s a good fit, there’s an effortlessness and ease about it that builds your energy and momentum, and doesn’t drag you down. Pay attention to your gut and listen to it. It’s a rare occasion where it’ll lead you astray.

So who’s in your tribe? What are the characteristics that are important to you? I’d love to hear from you guys about your own tribes and what kinds of things you do to nurture and deepen those relationships. Leave a comment below or on facebook.

welcome

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Other posts you might enjoy:

• 5 Ways to Create Positive Change
• Defining Fitness
• Resolutions, Goals & Intentions: Making Changes that Stick

Comments

[Michael Sitarzewski]

Fantastic post Amy, thank you. This applies to many areas of life. If more people would choose their tribes, rather than accepting the tribes they're in, I think we'd see a huge increase in happiness and productivity. Change has to come from within, but surrounding yourself with successful people in your target area is essential.

[Amy C]

Thanks Michael. And you're absolutely right about applying this to every area of our lives—it can have such a significant impact when everyone around you truly believes in you and encourages rather than questions or nay-says.

[Cara Lopez Lee]

I often talk to my friends about this idea of "finding your tribe," and I greatly appreciate your take on it, Amy. I find that I trust myself, my judgment, and my goals more than I did years ago. Although I can hold onto that in the face of naysayers, it just adds a lot of extra work for me to push or pull against that to keep my energy positive and my self-confidence strong. So I typically avoid "energy suckers." My husband, friends, and colleagues are in each other's lives to enrich and encourage each other to be our best selves - mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Thanks to this dynamic, my life grows more joyous & successful every day.

[Amy C]

Hi Cara.

Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I, too, have found that the older I get, the less patience I have for those 'energy suckers.' Good for you for creating and nurturing such a vibrant and rich tribe to surround you. It speaks to a lot of self-awareness and time spent fostering that environment.