Wednesday, May 18, 2011 at 9:47AM | Amy C I'm Sorry: Why Apologies in the Outdoors Can Sabotage Your Progress
“I’m sorry I’m so slow.” “I’m sorry I’m holding you up.”
How often do you hear these words in the outdoors? How often do you say them?
I was talking with a client of mine about the strides she’s making in the outdoors and she told me a story about a companion of hers she recently went hiking with who was going slowly down a steep, snowy slope.
“She kept apologizing. I felt really bad that she felt she had to apologize. It’s not something you have to apologize for,” she told me.
There’s no shame in taking your time to do something that’s hard for you. ~ Anna B.
This is a quote from my client.* (I love how wise my clients are!) And she’s absolutely, unequivocally, 100% right.
saying “I’m sorry” automatically creates responsibility
I’ve noticed a lot of people apologize. For lots of things. For a messy house. For being late. For going slow.
Apologies act as admissions of guilt. And more often than not, you’re taking responsibility for whatever it is you’re apologizing for.
If you’re late, an apology is probably appropriate. But if you’re doing your best, pushing the very limits of your comfort level, why not celebrate that power instead of diminishing the experience?
“I’m sorry” creates an uncomfortable dynamic on all sides:
- You’re uncomfortable because you’re assuming that you’re holding someone else back and that others are feeling impatient or annoyed with your speed.
- Your companions are uncomfortable because they’re cheering you on and can’t understand why you’re feeling bad (and they don’t really know what to say to help you feel better).
honor individual capabilities
There’s a saying in the outdoors that you go “as fast as the slowest person.” If you’re signing up to hike with a group (and you care about safety), this is what you implicitly agree to. And it’s really important to understand, recognize and honor everyone’s individual boundaries and limits.
There are those who would remonstrate their companions on a hike, “come on, you’re not moving fast enough.” Those who might roll their eyes when you request a break. Those who push to the point of danger.
(Psst, these are not the people you want on your hike. Go find your tribe!)
It’s important to feel supported. It’s important to know that you can go slow and know that your companions are cheering you on.
And it’s important to own your own abilities and experiences without apology.
celebrate
So I invite you to celebrate your strengths. Celebrate the risks you are taking—whether that’s BASE jumping, scrambling a class three summit or doing something new for the very first time.
Own it, stand strong and celebrate the moment.
welcome
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Other posts you might enjoy:
- Overcoming Fear
- 5 Ways to Create Positive Change
- Perfecting the Art of Failing
Reader Comments (5)
I loved this blog post!!! Thanks for posting!
Hm. Usually I don't hear from people who don't want people to apologize. Usually I hear about people who criticize others for "not knowing" that they suck. Well, I certainly know, I just get sick of talking about it all the time.
@SueBear - You're welcome. :) Glad you enjoyed it.
@Laurel - For those people who criticize others for "not knowing they suck," I try to stay away from that negative and judgmental personality. I've come across it, too and it's just a drag to listen to people complain about other people. I'd rather expend my energy on what's awesome, myself.
When you say, 'I certainly know', do you mean you 'know you suck'? I'd probably challenge that perspective. Maybe it's semantics, but could it be that you simply have skills to improve (as opposed to "sucking" at them)? It reminds me of @GearGals post a couple of weeks ago with the point that the words we choose to use tend to define us. To me, "I suck" is pretty negative.
I used to be one of these people. I've learned to be proud of all the awesome things I do now. Yeah, I may be a little slower than some, but I'm a lot faster than everyone on their couch... AND I'm having great experiences.
@Airin - Beautifully stated. "I'm a lot faster than everyone on their couch." Totally! Congrats to your awesomeness. :0)