How Well Do You Recognize Your Own Voice?

I got summoned for jury duty this week. Two little words that can evoke such dread and eye-rolling. Jury Duty. I have to admit that while it was an inconvenience, I was curious.

I was curious about the “actual” system and how similar (or different) it would be from TV and movie courtrooms.

I got to the courthouse early and watched the other jurors arrive while sipping my americano. It reminded me of being at the laundromat while on the road. Everyone’s doing their own thing, no one’s talking to one another and it’s super quiet, yet we’re all connected by one task.

After everyone arrived, we watched a video about what to do and not do in court (no tweeting, blogging, posting anything on facebook, or even researching what a particular word means on google), who to expect in the courtroom and the different types of cases tried in front of a jury.

Sidenote: Did you know that some juries only need three members (some civil cases)? I digress.

My name was called along with about 40 others. We headed into courtroom “H” and heard our instructions. It was a criminal case, so they needed twelve jurors. They called 22 up for the selection process. (I wasn’t one of them, but was instructed to remain in case someone got dismissed.)

Legal trivia: Each lawyer got to choose five people to dismiss without having to give a reason. So 22 minus ten (five per attorney) ends up being your twelve.

I have to admit that it was absolutely fascinating.

I love people and love hearing their stories (go figure I chose to become a life coach and work with people for a living), so getting to observe and listen to those 22 folks talk about what they did for a living, what their parents did, whether they were married, how old their kids were (and what they did for a living) was really interesting.

And then it got even more interesting. After the judge went through those basic getting-to-know-everyone questions, both the prosecutor and defense attorney had an opportunity to ask questions that would help them determine whether a juror would be fair and impartial during the proceedings.

One of the first questions the Prosecutor asked was about how each person, on a scale of one to ten would rank our justice system. (And then he asked folks reasons why they thought that.)

The lawyer’s questions were designed to learn where jurors stood on issues of law enforcement (did they have good or bad experiences with them), how much evidence they needed to see before reaching a conclusion, what “beyond a reasonable doubt” meant, and how easily swayed by others they thought they were.

Here’s a question to think about that was posed to prospective jurors (paraphrased):

“If you are deliberating and eleven other people think one way and you think the other, would you go along with everyone else?”

the paradox of influence

You can obviously understand why this question is important for a lawyer to ascertain. And of course you’d claim you own your mind and opinions and would stick up for what you believed was right.

But then I think about the studies that show that when we are in a crowd, we’re less likely to help out a victim in need than if we’re alone with the victim. Why? Because we unconsciously assume “someone else” will handle it. Or is better qualified to deal with it.

How well do you know your own voice?

Of course we want to believe we are immune to influence. That we are able to stay objective when faced with others‘ wishes and arguments. That when faced with a decision about someone else’s fate, our own biases, perspectives and opinions can be controlled and set aside in order to serve justice fairly and honestly.

Earlier in the questioning process, I watched the Prosecutor ask those who scored the justice system an eight or higher to raise their hands. Then he asked those who scored it below four to raise their hands. He then looked at everyone and made the statement, “so the rest of you score in the four, five, six or seven range.”

A few started nodding and then one man in the front raised his hand and then everyone else raised their hands as well. Influence.

They weren’t asked to raise their hands, but we unconsciously follow what others do and often (unconsciously) mirror the behaviors of others. It’s a very normal and very human thing to do.

The lawyers want to be sure that you, as a juror, have an opinion based on what you heard and interpreted as fact.

Outrunning the storm

What happens when you’re out on a long hike, a storm is coming in and you’re feeling uncomfortable. Everyone else is moving forward. How likely are you to speak up? How likely are you to ask them to retreat because you’re uncomfortable? How likely are you to convince yourself “they must know what they’re doing,” or “they’ve done this before, it’ll be fine.”

Or how about, “I’ll look weak or inexperienced if I show that I’m scared”?

If you’re out climbing and your head’s not in the game, but you’re expected to lead a particularly tough pitch, how likely are you to speak up about your mental frame of mind? How likely are you to go ahead and do it anyway because everyone below you is cheering you on, even if you’re not feeling ‘quite right’?

These questions, they’re not easy to answer. We want to believe we listen to ourselves. That our convictions are strong and we don’t care what others think of us.

It’s not easy to speak your mind—especially when we feel alone in our opinion or our fear.

”Don't let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.” ~Steve Jobs

There is a cacophony of information these days. Not only within us (our own inner critics and sages), but our past selves, our parents, society, culture, the Internet, supermarkets, Superbowl Ads and YouTube memes (don’t even try and tell me you’ve never laughed with friends at a meme you didn’t think was funny). It’s a veritable glut of data to receive, weed through, decipher and make judgements about.

We can’t avoid being influenced.

But what we can do is learn to recognize our own voice amidst the noise. It’s imperative to learn what our own gut, instinct, inner wisdom—whatever you want to call it—sounds like and feels like.

When you just know something. And then we have to learn to speak up and say it. Or act upon it.

I think speaking up (especially for women) is often the hardest part.

recognizing our own voice

So how do we do it? Listening and owning.

Listen to yourself and honor that nagging feeling (you know the one). Stand up for yourself and own your voice.

Like anything else difficult and worthwhile, it takes practice. Start small. Tell your friends/partner what you want for dinner instead of going around and around with the “I don’t care, whatever you want is fine” cycle. Pick a movie you’ve been dying to see.

When you’re at a crag or in the backcountry, talk about fear. Talk about risk thresholds and get to know your own idea of what’s risky, what’s reasonable to push through and in what situations you might retreat. Get to know the ideas of those in your group, too.

Create time in your day for quiet time. Cultivate awareness around your thoughts and opinions. Notice them and observe yourself objectively. Where do your opinions come from? What are they based on? And are they still relevant to you today?

Self awareness and confidence cycles throughout our lives. The more we listen to ourselves and stop worrying about what others think or feel, the stronger our own voices become.

How would you answer the lawyer’s question? How easily swayed are you? How well do you know the sound of your own voice?

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