What are your excuses?
Fruita, CO
Yep. That’s right. I know you have them. (Ahem… we all do.) And getting to know your excuses on an intimate basis can help you identify them and make them actually work for you, motivating you to get out there and do it anyway. Yep, I’m serious, your excuses can help you.
They can be wily little suckers and they work hard to look like valid reasons. But they’re simply justifications and rationalizations for not doing something that scares us. Excuses help us stay in our comfort zone and keep up the status quo, which doesn’t help us out much when we’re trying to change and push our boundaries and grow.
But Amy (you say), you just stated above that my excuses can help me.
And so I did. Here’s how.
look in the mirror
Take a long, hard look at yourself and write out all the excuses you’re currently using (or have used in the past) for not working out (or eating better, or spending less money—whatever is important to your goals and visions).
Go on… be ruthless and brutally honest. And include the silly ones. Actually, especially include the silly ones. (They’re great at illustrating how resistant we can be to change and provide added motivation to push through.)
Let’s see what’s on your list. Did you miss any?
a case study: me
I’ll share some of mine: not enough time; too hot; too far away; I just ate; I haven’t eaten enough; I forgot my water; my workout clothes are still drying; it’s raining; I’m not in the mood; I have a headache; I’m sore from yesterday’s workout; I’ll start tomorrow (or Monday or next week); I don’t have enough money for the yoga class; I forgot my shoes; I prefer to run on trails (and they’re too far away); I overslept; I have too much work to do… and I could go on.
The fact is, there’s no reason why I can’t get out and run. It may not be on my ideal trail, at the ideal time, but I can get out there. I’m not going to melt in the rain. Looking at some of the examples above, they might seem reasonable. If I don’t have shoes, running barefoot could be painful or cause injury.
However, seeing these excuses in writing prompts the bigger (more important) questions: “what can I do to remind myself to bring my shoes?” or “How did I miss putting my shoes in the car in the first place?” “Is there a part of me that didn’t want to run?” And if so, “what’s going on?”
I love running. I love the way it feels. I love the way I feel when I’m on the trail and when I’m done. I love the after effects. I experience more emotional stability and am generally happier after a run. I have races I’ve signed up for and a huge running goal that’s beginning to take shape for next year (that I need to begin training for now). Yet my excuses are many. My reasons make sense in the moment.
what’s going on?
Moab, UT
In short: I’m scared. Fear is a common underlying factor in resistance. Fear makes it easy to create new excuses (or keep the old ones). I’ve heard a lot of excuses. In climbing, the route might be too greasy, or maybe people are talking and it’s distracting you. Or maybe the bolts aren’t placed “exactly so.”
Some folks don’t like to sweat. Others prefer to have a matching outfit on when they go to the gym. They don’t have the right clothes.
They, as with me, are likely scared.
Our fears are different for everyone. For me, after giving it some thought, I’m scared of being slower and more out of shape than I was a year ago. I took time off running and now it’s time to start again. I’m also scared of this big goal I have. I’ve been talking about it and now it’s time to get serious. If I commit to the goal, there’s a lot of work ahead. A lot of training and some sacrifices I’ll have to make. Am I ready for all that?
so now what?
Take a look at your list of excuses. Read them aloud to yourself. Share them here if it helps.
What comes up? Is there an underlying resistance?
A lot of times, just knowing why you’re resisting helps push you through. Seeing it on paper or saying it out loud can bring it to the surface and allow us to make a conscious choice as to whether or not we’re going to continue to resist or not. (And more often than not, once we know what it is that’s keeping us stuck, it’s much easier to get unstuck. And frankly, it rarely is as scary as it seemed at first.)
Now, take each excuse and come up with two reasons countering that excuse. The positive reasons. The reasons that relate to, and align with, your original goal and visions for WHY you want to do it in the first place. (Go back to your fitness definition if you need to.)
Remember? I thought so. Now go enjoy your run (or climb, or hike…). I’ll see you on the trails.
Editor’s note: A day after posting, Katie wrote an amazing response. It’s a great (and inspiring) read. Thanks Katie!.
Welcome
If you’re new here, welcome. I’m delighted you stopped by.
Sign up for my monthly newsletter for more inspiration and practical tips to help you get—and stay active. You’ll also receive a FREE email series sharing the 10 Essential Elements of Adventure.
If you’re interested in life coaching and ready to make a change, contact me for a free consult.
Hi Michael.Oooh… really great food for thought. I’ve often wondered about this in my own life. Why do I feel obligated to explain why I can’t make it somewhere, or why I’m late. Sometimes, it can create connections and spark conversation (i.e., "I won’t be able to make it to your party, I’m leaving for an extended trip to Europe." "Oh, that’s so cool. If you’re in Madrid, definitely look up my friend Miguel. He’s a wonderful tour guide.").But I totally agree that over sharing about your absent-mindedness or bad planning skills can be either irrelevant to the situation or simply make you look bad. Classic case of "less is more."
Brett,Disconnection from our goals is such a common issue. It’s that balance in being present for each moment, while at the same time keeping the lessons of our past and our goals for the future in mind. So happy to know that just writing out your excuses and fears has helped you. Writing for the joy of it. I love that. Thanks for sharing! :)
Great topic. One way I try to deal with excuses is to put myself in the receiving position. If someone were giving me the same excuse I’ve come up with, what advice would I give to that person? How would I react? It works wonders if you’re open to it :)That also opens another topic… are excuses really necessary at all? If you’re late to a meeting, isn’t it better to simply apologize for being late? Does the group care that your dog thew up all over the place? Or that you overslept? If you need to reschedule an appointment, isn’t it enough to say you need to reschedule without adding that you double booked your schedule or your best friend just came in to town?Let’s just stop making excuses all together! No one cares, and it can lead to judgement. :)
Yes, my reasons always make sense in the moment. It’s the type of living in the moment I don’t want to do though, where I disconnect from my distant, future goal. I guess my fear in many of the things I do is that I fear failure or making a mistake, so finding any excuse not to do the thing that will advance my progress towards a goal allows me to find a "loophole" in not making a mistake or failing. But just writing that previous sentence shows the broken logic – not doing anything to advance IS the mistake. For the longest time, I put off blogging because I never thought I’d be able to commit to it in the way I wanted to. When I looked at bloggers I admired, I saw their dozens if not hundreds of articles in their archives and I thought – I’ll never be there. I feared I could never measure up. My "excuse" was that I couldn’t produce the same quantity as a blogger who had been doing it for 3 years…immediately. Writing that down made me realize how totally silly I was being, and helped me to simply write for the joy of it.