Monday, December 27, 2010 at 4:00AM | Amy C 5 ways to create positive change
I’ve been in an introspective and contemplative frame of mind this month. Spending three weeks battling bronchitis, sinusitis and a bad cold will lay you down flat and leave you motivated to do not much of anything. (Or is that just me?)
Anyway. With all the down time, I began to worry about blogging and keeping up with it. I began to worry about my business and whether I was doing things the “right” way. I began to worry about the workouts I was missing and what that meant for my 2011 goals.
Always a productive way to think, right? As a life coach, I was feeling a heightened level of discouragement because I help others navigate these types of feelings and cycles when they arise, and here I was wallowing. And uncomfortably aware of it.
Oh yes. I wallowed. I hate to admit it, but there it is. It was too cold to run outside (especially since the cough I’d developed from the bronchitis constantly reminded me of the current state of my lungs). And since I’m spending the month with my parents for the holidays (visiting and helping them around the house as they’ve suffered their own health setbacks this fall), I found myself adopting old habits of watching TV in the evenings, sleeping in and napping during the day.
I felt horrible. Not only physically horrible. But mentally and emotionally. I was drained. Disappointed in myself, yet not able to pull myself together when I wanted to change things.
making a mental change
So how do you change your attitude when you know you need to, but you simply don’t want to? When you want to indulge in your private pity party? When you’ve convinced yourself you’re more comfortable remaining stuck?
I don’t have an easy answer to this question. And I want to be clear that if you’re dealing with long-term depression, I encourage you to seek help. Because here’s what I do know—and I know this even when I’m deep in my wallowing—it feels so much better when life is bright. When colors stand out. When you smile and it feels natural and good.
For me, getting to that point wasn’t easy, but I’m here to tell you it’s possible. There are as many techniques as there are opinions and possibilities in this world. And the five I’ve shared with you below are what worked for me this month. Yours might be different. But it’s my hope that these will help you see that the possibility does exist and can take these suggestions and add to, adjust, and recreate them to work for you when you find yourself struggling to keep moving forward.
1. trust the process.
We humans do not go through life on a linear path. More often than not we cycle. Up, down, around, over and under. Life is fluid and we must not get caught up in the expectation that every day is going to be (or needs to be) positive.
So embrace the sadness; the discouragement; the disappointment; the pain. Acknowledge it and listen to it. It’s telling you something about your life’s path. Do you need to slow down? Are you heading in a direction that’s not aligned with your core values?
2. find objectivity.
Step outside yourself for a moment and observe. It’s one thing to throw a pity-party with full knowledge that that’s what you’re doing. It’s quite another to go about your days blind to what’s causing the disruption in your life.
If you can see yourself objectively, it’s much easier to catch yourself before you lash out at your unsuspecting loved ones (or the elderly driver going 45 in a 45). And when you can say to yourself (with compassion), “I’m feeling sad today” without needing to explain it, justify it or fix it, you’ve reclaimed your power and can begin to move forward.
3. know where the light is.
As in the light at the end of the tunnel. With all cycles, the darkness will eventually fade into light. The process simply goes by quicker when you know you’re heading in the right direction.
And remember that it does fade. Knowing that allows us to open our eyes, look up and find the light.
And then, even in the midst of the fog, we are aware of our journey. Where we're going and where we've been—and we can see the progress that we're making.
4. take action.
Physical action. This one’s a big one for me. And it’s especially hard when I’m not feeling well, or in a place that isn’t conducive to trail running. There’s something about moving (especially running for me) that levels out my emotions and allows me to focus and regain perspective.
Somedays, when a run isn’t available to me, a simple Sun Salutation will help. Or stretching in front of the TV. A few sit-ups or push-ups can also help start the blood flowing and begin the mental shift that comes with it.
5. reflect (and be patient).
As you’re coming out of your fog, reflect on where you’ve come from. Notice the subtle differences in your energy level and general perceptions. As they become brighter and feel lighter, allow time for the adjustment.
I’m guilty of thinking that once I start feeling better, I’m surely going to be ebullient and effusive the very next day. And then I become bitterly disappointed that I’m not and thus the cycle dips down again.
So find patience in the process. You might find that you’re able to snap out of it, or you may find that your journey is a leisurely one. Take time to journal. Or simply sit still for a moment and become conscious of your heartbeat. Create a list of all the things you are grateful for.
Most of all, have compassion for yourself during the process. Find pleasure in the small movements forward. Laugh at yourself and maybe do a dance or two in your room. I’d love to hear what works for you when you’re feeling blue and in a fog.
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Reader Comments (3)
Great advice! Thanks. So sorry to hear you have not been well...Bronchitis is serious stuff -- been there before and it is NOT fun at all!!! Malama pono and get well.
I often find that the first thing that helps me to move forward from the fog is to just start thinking about all I have to be grateful for...there is always so much and it starts to make me happy. Life is lived in flux, so trusting oursevles and being patient is important to allowing the process to complete.
Great post Amy. I used to feel so guilty if I didn't exercise. As a diabetic, daily exercise is key to maintaining my blood sugars. I must balance my time between indoor activities (such as writing) and outdoor ones (which is where my life is). I am learning to listen to my inner voice and "know where the light is" (I love that phrase). As long as I get outside--even for a short walk--the day is brighter.
@Andrea - Gratitude is a beautiful way to shift thinking. Thank you for the reminder.
@Kim - Guilt can be so poisonous to our lives, no? Glad to hear you've found awareness (and what sounds like compassion) for your needs and what's important to you in each moment.